Wishing We Were More Than Friends
The sound of heels clacking and people chattering outside my hotel room woke me up from my short accidental nap. “The sky is feeling the same way,” I ponder to myself as I look out to the window and notice how gloomy the sky is. The sound of the notification from my phone interrupt my thoughts and I reach out to the nightstand to take a look at it. I smiled wryly as I saw notifications from him and another one from my calendar that says, “his wedding.”
I put my phone down as I read the messages and clutch my chest in pain while tears are streaming uncontrollably down my face. Every breath I take felt very heavy as I gather up the courage to reply to his messages.
I lock my phone and tumble out of my bed to get myself ready for the party. The tear marks were visible as I look into the mirror in my bathroom. “Damn I look horrible,” I let out a dry chuckle and immediately wash my face to freshen myself up.
The classic romantic song on the piano and violin was the first thing that greeted me as I entered the venue. The place looks like the dream wedding that everyone wants — kudos to the wedding organizer for transforming this place to a magical one.
I met a lot of my friends from back in school and uni and did some catch up with a few of them. They are still the same people that I knew years ago, only that they have matured a lot and most of them now have rings on their left ring finger.
I look around and my eyes intertwined with his. My heart beats twice as fast when I saw him walking to my direction. “Hey, glad you made it. What took you so long though? You’re supposed to be here earlier for the bridesmaid and groomsman speech rehearsal,” he asked. I smiled and explained, “I have to make sure I look good on my best friend’s wedding,” and he chuckled as a response.
“You always look amazing”
My heart shattered and my legs felt weak. I averted my gaze and uttered a small “thank you.” The last thing I wanted to do was to ruin my best friend’s day, so I decided to walk away as I felt my tears brimming. I’d still feel butterflies if he said that to me a year ago. Now the roses have withered, and all that’s left are thorns that pierced through every side of my body.
Time passed and it’s my turn to give a wedding speech as his “best woman” (or groomswoman? you name it). I took a deep breath as I felt all eyes on me and started my speech.
“Good evening, if you’re in this room and you don’t know me by now, then you’re probably at the wrong wedding,” I heard the crowd chuckled, “I have been best friends with the groom for almost my entire life. We used to be neighbors and we went to the same school and uni. I’ve watched him grown to be the man he is today, and I am glad I get to be here tonight, on this moment, at this place, and witnessed as he stood in front of God and all of us and vowed to love the woman he chose forever.”
“Choosing the right person to be with for the rest of our lives is one of the most important decisions that any of us ever make — well, everyone here except me [chuckles]. As I look at the bride and groom today, I see two people in the most loving, trustworthy, and nurturing relationship I’ve ever witnessed. Needless to say, they are lucky to have each other.”
I locked my eyes with his and continued, “your friendship has brought so many colors to my once monotone life. You’ve been there with me through the darkest days of my life and I’m very lucky to have you… as my friend. Thank you for all the happy and sad moments that we spent together through the years. I will cherish them forever. I hope you are able to make a lot of new good memories together with your bride for the rest of your life. Wait… why does this sound like a farewell,” he chuckled with tears in his eyes.
“It’s not a farewell by the way. No matter where you are, what you’re doing, or who you’re with, I will always love you,” I paused, “like… a sister loves a brother, and a friend loves a friend. I will always be here for you, rooting for your dreams, Chenle. Today you start a completely new chapter of your lives. Never forget the two most important replies: ‘you’re right, honey’ and ‘okay, buy it,’” the crowd chuckled once again.
“Let’s raise a glass to the bride and groom! May you two continue to cherish and love each other unconditionally.”
They said, when you truly love someone, you want them to be happy, with or without you.
I do, I truly am happy for him. And I am trying to eliminate all the romantic feelings that I’ve developed for him.
But being here in the same city as him suffocates me. Every corner of the city reminds me of him. The park where we used to jog every morning, our go-to gelato shop that has the best vanilla and matcha ice cream, his favorite seafood place that I always accompany him to go to whenever he’s craving for them (although I don’t fancy seafood much), the warung nasi goreng in front of our housing complex that opens 24 hours, the road that we always drove through during our random late night drive. The streets will never feel the same way as it did before.
So here I am, looking for the first flight to New York tomorrow, leaving everything behind, hoping to end the chapters here and start a new one there.
This is heavily inspired by the movie “Love, Rosie.” The words that are written in bold are taken from the movie itself, credits to the writers and everyone involved.
